fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
