im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
