my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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