There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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