Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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