We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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