Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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