My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
