you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
