Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
