Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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