No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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