but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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