he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
