Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
