if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
