Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
