how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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