we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
