Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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