So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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