Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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