there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
