Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
