Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
