don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
