i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
