i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
