R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
