I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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