I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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