I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
