hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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