I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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