yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
