Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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