I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
