she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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