We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
