My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
