You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
