Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
