im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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