This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
