i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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