you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
