i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
