6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
