At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
