Having a random hookup so left but love u
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
