Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
